


Toughness

by bessemerprocess



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alcohol, Domestic Violence, Episode: s06e24 Death And All His Friends, Grief/Mourning, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 06, Shooting, Title Borrowed from Song Xiaoxian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 04:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1497157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>If they can survive this, Teddy thinks, they can survive anything. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toughness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twtd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twtd/gifts).



> This work was actually started during season 6 of Grey's Anatomy, and yes, it took me forever to finish it, but look: it's done!
> 
> Title from Song Xiaoxian's Borrowed Light.

I like to think of this as toughness  
but my body is covered all over in bruises  
-Song Xiaoxian

 

"They're passed out," Derek Shepherd says when he answers the door.

"Sorry about all this," Teddy replies. She's never had to come get her drunk girlfriend out of her boss' wife's bed before. She'd considered leaving Cristina to Owen, but he hasn't answered any of her calls, and Cristina had called her besides.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't have even bothered, but we're running low on beds around here," Sheppard says. He leads them into the bedroom, where Meredith and Cristina are curled up in the middle of bed, fast asleep. There are empty bottles on both night stands, but it looks like they hadn't even bothered with glasses.

Her face must give something away because Sheppard says, "This is pretty moderate for the two of them. Residency has mellowed them out."

Teddy wonders what a less mellow Cristina would be like, before deciding just to be thankful she doesn't know. Cristina stirs a little at the noise, and so Teddy leans down and whispers, "Cristina, time to wake up."

Cristina groans and rolls away from Meredith. "Teddy?" she asks from behind barely open eyes.

"Yeah, its time to come home so the Chief can have his bed back," she says.

"The Chief's here?"

"Just me, Yang," Shepherd says. 

Cristina stifles a sleepy yawn, and gets herself upright, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Home? Owen's there?"

Teddy sighs, "No, but I am."

Cristina nods. "Okay."

"Shoes," Sheppard says, holding out a pair which Cristina slips on.

"Thanks, Sheppard," Teddy says as she hauls Cristina out of the bed.

"No, thank you. Otherwise, I'd have to go downstairs and kick Avery off the couch," Sheppard says.

Cristina leans against her, sleepy and warm, and Teddy makes sure they both get down the stairs safely, because its pretty apparent that Cristina is still drunk. They make it out to the car without incident, which is really impressive, all things considered. Teddy opens the car door with one hand, Cristina still clinging to the other.

"Cristina." It's more of a sigh than a word and she's not even sure Cristina hears her and that's okay. Teddy simply kisses her on the forehead and lets Cristina get into the the car.

"The sky is pretty," Cristian says, looking out through the windshield.

Teddy buckles herself in and then asks, "You want to talk?"

Cristina remains silent until they hit the freeway. "Is he coming home?" she asks quietly.

"He will," Teddy answers. "He... Cristina? Did something happen before I got here? Between the two of you? When he was yelling, he took a step towards you and you flinched. You don't flinch for anything."

Cristina just stares out the window and Teddy leaves her to her silence.

***

Teddy gets Cristina up and through the door of the apartment without any trouble. Callie and Arizona must have already gone to sleep because the apartment is dark and quiet. She flips on the lights and leads Cristina over to one of the barstools. The burnt remains of Owen's attempt to cook are still in the sink.

"Drink some water," Teddy says putting a glass in front of Cristina. Cristina takes a sip and then sets the glass back between them.

"He had nightmares. The first time he slept over, I woke up and he was choking me. He was still asleep," Cristina says without looking at Teddy.

"Oh, Cristina," Teddy says and pulls her towards her. Cristina lets herself be hugged.

"Do you want to talk?" Teddy asks for the second time this night.

Cristina shakes her head. "No," she says and then she's leaning in and kissing Teddy.

Cristina tastes like tequila and lime and she kisses like waves hitting the shore during a storm: fierce and relentless. Teddy just tries to keep up.

When they finally break apart, Cristina says, "Come to bed with me."

Teddy nods, because, yes, she wants Cristina Yang so much right now. They've never done this without Owen though, it's never been just the two of them and Teddy doesn't know the rules here.

Cristina's never cared about rules though and so she pulls Teddy into the bedroom and pushed her down onto the bed and Teddy lets her.

***

Teddy wakes up from the nightmare and can't move. The paralysis lasts for a just a second, just her brain being slow and scared, but she panics. It's not a flashy panic, she doesn't hurl herself from the bed or anything. She just take a few ragged breaths and lays absolutely still until she's done a visual sweep of the room and identified the other body in the bed as Cristina. Cristina doesn't even move.

Teddy reaches for her sidearm before remembering its not here, that she lives with civilians now. She wants it though, like she wanted her favorite blanket when she was five.

She looks at the clock. It reads 4:32. The alarm will go off soon enough, so Teddy rolls herself out of bed and pads her way into the shower. It's quiet, which is nice, but Owen hasn't come back, which is not. She sighs and lets the spray wash over her.

The water lets her think, it always has. She forgets sometimes that Owen and Cristina have history without her, that her own history with Owen isn't the only story in this relationship. Teddy's not sure what she would have done if she'd woken up to Owen choking her, but she doubts it would've been to stand by his side and defend him. Teddy has her own triggers, and fingers wrapped around her throat would have left her running for the other side of the world as soon as she'd thrown a change of clothes in a bag. She always been a little too fond of running, a little too fond of thinking that a new place was a solution in and of itself, but Cristina is even more fond of fighting than Teddy is of running. Cristina will fight when everyone else has cut and run, when there is nothing left to fight for, when fighting gets her nothing.

Teddy rinses shampoo out of her hair, and tries not to wonder if Cristina would fight for her.

***

Owen is grinning when Teddy sees him next. It seems so out of place that she stops walking, right there in the middle of the hospital hallway and stares at him. The last time she'd seen him there'd been yelling, and Cristina bolting, and Teddy following her out the door, only to end up contemplating a beer at Joe's until Cristina drunk dialed her. Owen doesn't have any right to be smiling.

"Sloane had the baby," he says. "In Mark's apartment. I helped deliver him. Ten fingers, ten toes, doing great."

Teddy's anger softens. "Oh."

Both their pagers go off, saving them from anything more difficult.

***

Cristina joins her in the OR for a coronary artery bypass like nothing happened at all last night. She's bright and focused, like Cristina always is in the OR. Teddy sometimes thinks it'll be Cristina who will be the best of them, if she can get over the Harper Avery and the fame and just let her hands work.

Someday, if this doesn't all end in disaster, Teddy will sit at a table with Owen, and they will eat crappy banquet chicken while Cristina is presented some award for doing the impossible. Someday, if Owen can pull himself together and if Teddy can keep herself from running and if this whole thing doesn't blow up in their faces.

Right now, she just wants to take Cristina back to bed and forget that there is a future out there, waiting for them.

***

Owen pulls her into an on call room in between her coronary artery bypass and a flood of ER consults. As soon as the door closes behind him, he says, "I'm going back to Dr. Wyatt."

"Good," Teddy replies. Maybe there is a future after all. "Cristina told me what happened. About the choking."

Owen drops his chin to his chest and won't look her in the eye. "She told you about that?" he says so softly she has to lean in to understand him.

"She did, Owen," Teddy says gently.

"Oh," he says and then stares at his hands. "You're okay?"

"I did my share of freaking out after I got back," Teddy says. It's not something they talk about, all the ways Iraq left them battered and bruised. Warriors compare scars, but scars are healed things. Marks of valor. Bruises are tender and vulnerable, and they've all learned not to poke.

"I didn't freak out. I wrapped my hands around her throat and tried to kill her, Teddy. I don't even remember doing it," Owen says. "The first thing I remember is sitting on her bed, hyperventilating, with Torres screaming in the background."

"But you're getting help again," Teddy says.

"I am," he says.

"Owen, if you want, I'll take Cristina to the gym and teach her a few things. How to break a hold, that sort of thing. If it will make you feel better?" she offers.

"I thought if you knew..." Owen trailed off.

"I'm not going anywhere," Teddy answers without the question being asked. 

"Then, yes," he says. 

***

Owen comes home that night, and Cristina too, and Teddy just wants to keep them both close, so they end up curled together in Cristina's bed, watching Meredith's mother do surgery.

"The tapes were in Meredith's attic. There are boxes of them. Heart transplants, bypasses, everything," Cristina explains, gesturing with the remote like these tapes are the treasure at the end of the rainbow.

"So Ellis Grey is Meredith and Lexie's mother?" Teddy asks, because unlike Cristina, heart surgery is not what she watches to unwind, and sharing a bed with Cristina means sharing a family with Cristina, and Cristina's family is the hospital. And sometimes it seems like the hospital is Meredith Grey.

"Just Meredith. Lexie and Mere share a father." Cristina doesn't even look away from the screen, and Teddy smiles at Owen over her head.

Owen kisses her, and finally that is enough to distract Cristina from the heart on the television.

***

Teddy drags Cristina to the hospital gym on a dreary Saturday morning. Cristina agrees because it's the hospital and because Owen asked, not because she's looking forward to this, Teddy knows.

Usually this space is used for physical therapy, but no one's on the schedule and there are mats on the floor and that's all Teddy needs.

"First, I'll show you how to fall."

Cristina grimaces, and Teddy tries not to laugh. Of course, Cristina doesn't want to learn to fall. Cristina doesn't fail and thus doesn't fall. Cristina's going to fail someday, though. Everybody does. Teddy thinks just maybe, it'll be better to practice in controlled conditions than out in the real world.

Teddy demonstrates, and Cristina tries to copy her. For someone whose fingers can dance across a heart, Cristina Yang has zero coordination.

"Wait, what did I do wrong?" Cristina asks as she stands up awkwardly. Teddy knows she has her hooked now. Cristina doesn't back away from a challenge. She demonstrates, and once Cristina can fall, they move on to holds.

"How did you ever pass gym?" Teddy teases.

"I got a note so I didn't have to go to gym in highschool," Cristina says even as she struggles to free her wrists from Teddy's grasp.

It takes them a while, but after a hour, Teddy is showing Cristina how to do simple holds. "You're doing better," she says.

Right before Teddy is about to break up the session, Cristina manages to break free of Teddy's hold, flipping her over her hip. Cristina does a triumphant little dance, and once Teddy is sure Cristina has had enough enjoyment, she sweeps Cristina's feet out from under her without even getting up.

Cristina ends up next to her on the floor, so Teddy rolls over just enough to whisper, "Next time, run," and kiss Cristina full on the lips.

***

It's a nice day. Blue sky, a few stray clouds. Teddy still loves it when it rains, but she's learned that a clear sky in Seattle is something to be enjoyed as well. The EMTs pull her patient out of the ambulance and the blue sky recedes as they reel off numbers and injuries.

"GSW to the chest. Stats in the low eighties."

They get him inside and determine he needs surgery immediately.

The surgery hums along, going perfectly except for Avery's shaking hands and Shepherd's interruption. They save him and Teddy puts the last stitches in before the world comes crashing down around them.

"There's a gunman in the hospital. You can't leave. That's what Shepherd came to say," Avery explains, and suddenly Teddy's brain is going twelve directions at once. _Oh, shit_ and _That's why his hands were shaking_ and _This guy is going to die on my table_ all compete for room in her brain.

"I'll take him down to ICU," Owen says. "Everybody else stay here."

"I'm going with you."

"Teddy..."

"Don't argue, Owen."

"Fine."

They get almost the entire way to the ICU before they find the dead body.

"We have to get him out," Owen says. "Transport him somewhere else."

"Okay," Teddy replies.

***

"Go," Teddy says to Owen when they've gotten the patient outside and the cops are patting them down.

"Teddy..."

"Cristina is still inside," she says. "Bring her back."

Teddy's eyes are fierce, as he nods and kisses her with everything he has and then runs back into the hospital while she blocks the cops.

***

Teddy saves Alex Karev's life, and for the four hours the surgery takes, she's able to block out her fear and her worry and be a surgeon. She knows how to do this; it feels like home. Silk thread and steel blades and a beating heart in her hands with fear just waiting for her to finish.

Afterwards, after Alex is in recovery and Lexie Grey is clinging to him and Mark is looking at her like the world is falling apart, someone drives her back to Seattle Grace. Or maybe she went back with the EMTs, she's not really sure.

She finds Owen first, shirtless with his arm in a sling, and she barely stops herself from throwing her arms around him. "You got shot."

"I got shot," he says, sounding so weary that her heart breaks. He got shot, and he could have died because she sent him back into the hospital. Back for Cristina. There was no other choice they could’ve made, but it still makes her heart twist to think she could have lost both of them. 

"Cristina?" she asks. Surely someone would have told her if Cristina had died. Someone would have known. Surely.

"She's unhurt," he says, and her heart beats again. She knows he's leaving things out, but if Cristina is alive, they can all heal.

"Dr. Altman," one of the nurses says, "Dr. Yang asked us to have you look at Dr. Shepherd when you got here."

"Shepherd was shot, Cristina operated," Owen adds.

"Is she in with Shepherd now?"

Owen nods, he holds out his hand for her to take. They don’t do this, don’t touch like lovers inside the hospital walls, but she needs the reassurance, and she is sure he does too. They are alive, and the crisis is over. That’s what she tells herself.

She knows its not true when she sees Cristina’s face. 

Teddy lets go of Owen’s hand to pull Cristina to her, cutting off her attempt to cut straight to Derek Shepherd’s medical status. 

“Cristina,” she murmurs into her hair.

“Teddy,” she replies, and hugs back for a long moment. “I have to…” she trails off, but Teddy understands.

“So, Shepherd,” Teddy says, allowing Cristina to wrap herself in the safety of medicine.

***

Shepherd is stable and Meredith is curled up next to him by the time Cristina lets Owen and Teddy pull her away from the hospital. She is fading, whatever mission Cristina assigned herself in her head to get through this is over, and the adrenaline drop is a killer. Teddy knows about holding on until the crisis is over. She’s seen it thousand of times. Done it herself over and over, when the last soldier was off her table and there was no one left to save.

But back in the Sandbox, when it had been just her and Owen operating under the rules which let them be best friends and nothing more, there had only been a shoulder to lean on. Now, she can wrap her arms around both of them, breath them in over and over, touch wherever she needs. 

Cristina lets them take her home, and pull her down into bed between them so they can hold on to her as her body begins to shake and she finally cries. There is only so long you can hold that sort of thing in, Teddy knows, and this crisis is over. And so they hold on to each other and let themselves grieve.

If they can survive this, Teddy thinks, they can survive anything.


End file.
